Table Sex Has Feelings Too: Fifty Shades of Grey Chapter 21

Posted on July 2, 2012 by

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*Accidentally posted this while I was in the middle of writing the post, sorry for you guys who got e-mails with a working title and unfinished quotes!*

As we rapidly approach the end of the first Fifty Shades, I’m forced to ponder how on earth this is a trilogy. But I guess if James needed 400 pages to get Ana to agree to sign the contract, she’ll need at least 1000 more pages to make other stuff happen.

Summary

21

Ana continues whining to herself about Christian, but I guess as far as realistic portrayals of people go, this is not too far off from what really happens in people’s minds when they’re crazy about someone. But for the sake of good writing, I wish James had at least tried to skip over some of the repetitive angst.

Then, Ana makes stupid comments about life:

Life in the clouds sure feels unreal. A fantasy–a castle in the air, adrift from the ground, safe from the realities of life–far away from neglect, hunger, and crack-whore mothers.”

Only in this book would a line about crack-whore mothers make me laugh so fucking hard.

After this chapter’s first angst session, we finally meet the legendary Mrs. Jones, and Ana has one of her weird inner reactions to someone referring to her as something,

“‘Would you like some breakfast, ma’am?’

Ma’am!”

I don’t understand why Ana reacts so strongly when someone refers to her litterally by anything be it her actual name, a nickname, or apparently ma’am.

Excitingly enough, another dangerously cheesy moment happens again as Christian sweeps all of his papers and things off his desk so he can sex Ana up on it.

“You want it, you got it, baby.”

How does Ana have sex with Christian without hysterically laughing every time? I tried to imagine this line in a lot of different voices like Ryan Gosling’s, random hot guys I know, and even Morgan Freeman’s voice, and no matter what it just sounds either sarcastic or unintentionally hilarious.

Not even this man could pull off, “You want it, you got it, baby,” and he narrated March of the Penguins, damn it.

Oh, I forgot to mention that after Christian says that terrible line, this happens:

“You want it, you got it,baby,” he mutters, producing a foil packet from his pants pocket while he unzips his pants. Oh, Mr. Boyscout.

Pretty sure no Boyscout’s handbook mentions always carrying a condom, though it’s not the worst idea in the world. You never know when you’re gonna get it get it, amiright ya’ll?

So after some rousing table sex, James continues with the trend of never just letting sex be sex but turn into something really stupid and terrible. Christian gets all weird and again starts saying things like, “What are you doing to me, Miss Steele?” and, “You are so beguiling.”

He asks her again if she has to go to Georgia, and she says yes, and they both start acting even more awkwardly around each other than usual.

I glance down at the foil packet beside me.

“Always prepared,” I murmer.

He looks at me confused as he redoes his fly. I hold up the empty packet.

“A man can hope, Anastasia, dream even, and sometimes his dreams come true.”

He sounds so odd, his eyes burning. I just don’t understand. My postcoital glow is fading fast. What is his problem? 

“So, on your desk, that’s been a dream?” I ask dryly, trying humor to lighten the atmosphere between us.”

Now you have the general gist of weirdness. If Ana was in any way, shape, or form intelligent, she might have pieced together that Christian now equates her going to Georgia alone with questioning their relationship, so he’s feeling insecure. But Ana is an idiot, so she doesn’t get it.

More awkwardness ensues, and this time I don’t really understand what’s happening either:

He seemed confused. Why? I have to say as physical experiences go, that was very satisfying. But emotionally-well, I’m rattled by his reaction, and that was about as emotionally enriching as cotton candy is nutritious.”

Apparently a major point of this chapter is that Christian thinks desk sex is emotional and Ana doesn’t? During shower time, Ana ponders the everlasting mystery that is Christian Grey, even going so far as to consult the whole crew:

I look to my subconscious. She’s whistling with her hands behind her back and looking anywhere but me. She hasn’t got a clue, and my inner goddess is still basking in the remnant of postcoital glow. No–we’re all clueless.

I like how Ana’s inner goddess just doesn’t give a fuck. She’s like, hit it and quit it, man. I wish Ana was more like her inner goddess personality. Not the subconscious, though, who the fuck whistles with their hands behind their back when they don’t know something? That shit’s dumb as hell.

After showering, Ana goes to get some tea from Mrs. Jones, and she makes this point of telling us that Christian is nowhere to be found, but two seconds later he’s ordering food for her, and Ana doesn’t say, “Oh, he appeared from out of nowhere.” Why’s she gotta pick on poor Taylor every time he surprises her but Christian can just show up when and where he pleases with no comment whatsoever?

Christian offers Ana his jet to go to Georgia. But before that he asks Ana if she has her ticket, and she goes, “No, I’ll buy it when I get home–over the Internet.” Ana is sure taking this whole “Internet” thing and running with it. She’s so savy!

In her defense, when Christian offers his jet, Ana has to fight the urge to roll her eyes and laugh. Finally she acknowledges what a ridiculous human being he is! She turns down the offer, the conversation gets serious again when she tells him he never explained the “no touching rule”, which just makes me think of Arrested Development.

Then they confess they’re going to miss each other. Aw. And abruptly the scene shifts to Ana waiting for her first interview of the next day. But there’s so much angsting I’m sure we missed out on! What thoughts did Ana have during this missing period of time? I’m just not going to be able to sleep tonight with these sorts of questions hanging over my head and my imagination running wild.

Ana really wants a job at a small publishing company, and I bet you anything they’re going to be wowed by her for no apparent reason. Classic Ana. She meets Jack Hyde who seems to be getting enough attention that he warrants mention. Ana makes a point of saying how he basically reminds her of Christian and kind of unsettles her at first, but then she’s like, nah, he’s charming. Ana needs to learn to trust her gut about unsettling men.

But then she feels unsettled after her interview and doesn’t know why. Man, she can’t stick with one emotion ever. It’s exhausting reading this book. When Ana gets home, Kate asks how the interview went, and Ana starts whining about the wrong fucking outfit choice, saying she should have gone boho chic.

Kate: “You and boho chic.” She cocks her head to one side–gah! Why is everyone reminding me of my favorite Fifty Shades?

Hang on a second…Fifty Shades…Fifty Shades. Damn, now, I get the title!

The gals girl talk a little, and Ana’s all, “We haven’t done much talking lately, ifyaknowwhatimean, nudge nudge.”

To which Kate responds, “That’ll be the sexing! If  that’s going well, then that’s half the battle, Ana. I’ll grab some Chinese takeout.” What the fuck was all that about?

Ana starts e-mailing Christian, and just kind of stares at the computer until he answers. One thing I have to admit is that I do some of this shit that I mock Ana mercilessly for. Reading this book is putting shit about my life into perspective for me that I’d never even considered.

E-mails are exchanged in which Ana asks if Mrs. Jones is a former sub of Christian’s, and he’s like, “Dude, no.”

The chapter ends with Ana finding out Christian bumped her up to first class. Man, when he does nice stuff for her, I really want to like him, but it’s like enough is enough sometimes, dude.

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