This Book Is Actually Almost Over: Hush, Hush Chapters 24-27

Posted on September 21, 2012 by


I turned twenty-two yesterday. Today’s Hush, Hush post will probably reflect my growing awareness of my mortality and the fact that I’m twenty-two years old and reading fucking Hush, Hush.

Chapter Twenty-Four

Nora’s adventure into Patch’s memories starts off ominously.

The moon overhead was nothing more than a sliver, a grin tipped on its side. Other than the rumble of distant thunder, all was quiet.

Hey, wouldn’t it be cool if this had something to do with the prologue so that scene in France with the guy and the guy with magic powers and the girl who got the first guy’s silver shoes or something made any kind of sense?

When Patch didn’t move, Rixon said, “Are you daft?  We’ve got to go. Chauncey’s oath of fealty. Not ringing a bell? How about this. You’re a fallen angel. You can’t feel a thing. Until tonight, that is. The next two weeks are Chauncey’s gift to you. Given unwillingly, mind you,”

Oh, hey, it actually is! I’m actually kind of disappointed because I can’t make fun of that now.

Today on Bad Books Good Times, we’re just going to keep setting up jokes that we won’t make. Happy Friday!

We learn that as far back as five hundred years ago, Patch hasn’t been happy with his fallen angel existence and wants to become human. His friend Rixon (the dude who took off Patch’s shirt while playfighting in Bo’s Arcade; he’s a fallen angel too! Seems kind of dumb that he’d not be terribly concerned about revealing Patch’s massive scars that act as portals to his memories in a public place now, doesn’t it?). He’s torn between a rumored and suspect way to become human (kill a Nephil vassal) and a somewhat suspect way to become a guardian angel his ex told him about (save a human life). But we already know Patch feels this way; the big reveal here is that he felt this way five hundred years ago, which raises the question of how the hell he spent five hundred years never running into anyone in mortal peril whose life he could save.

We also learn that Fallen Angels literally can’t feel anything, which, in a strange way, explains why Patch is kind of a clit tease.

So Nora pulls out (see what I did there?) and Patch explains things we already know. And then he explains his feelings.

“If you can’t feel, why did you kiss me?”
Patch traced a finger along my collarbone, then headed south, stopping at my heart. I felt it pounding through my skin. “Because I feel it here, in my heart,”


Also, it turns out Patch wasn’t aware that Dabria was still on earth and posing as the school psychiatrist! Also, it turns out Nora wasn’t aware that Dabria is probably a villain.

“She still has feelings for you. Maybe she wants me out of the picture.”


Chapter Twenty-Five

Now having a pretty good guess who’s trying to kill her and back at her home, Nora suddenly cares about trying to not put herself in dangerous situations.

I didn’t know if locks would work against Dabria

The person who ripped the door off a car with her hands? Yeah, you’re probably good.

I was walking the milk carton back to the fridge when I saw her standing in the doorway between the kitchen and laundry room.
A cold, wet substance pooled at my feet and I realized I dropped the milk.

Remember that time Nora didn’t realize she was running? This girl has, like, the worst delayed reactions.

“He’s planning to use you as a sacrifice!” she erupted. “See that mark?” She thrust her finger at my wrist. “It means you’re a female descendant of a Nephil. And not just any Nephil, but Chauncey Langeais, Patch’s vassal.”

Wow, Patch and Nora’s romance just got weirdly incestuous. So it turns out that the rumored Book of Enoch method for turning human requires a fallen angel to kill a female descendant of a Nephil vassal, and not just a Nephil vassal, which is new information that was never introduced before until now when it’s someone’s incentive to murder the main character, so, yeah, that’s cool. Nora, using her by-now well-known ability to converse with people, tries to stall the knife-wielding Dabria.

“I’ll make it quick,” she continued. “I’m an angel of death. I carry souls to the afterlife. As soon as I finish, I’ll carry your soul through the veil. You have nothing to be afraid of.”
[…] “If you’re an angel, where are your wings?”
“No more questions.” Her voice had grown impatient, and she began closing the distance between us in earnest.
“How long has it been since you left heaven?”

But then Nora asks about Patch and BAM. MONEY SHOT. Dabria is suddenly inconsolable, giving Nora her opportunity to make a run for it!

I raced down the hall, knowing I was trapping myself. The house had two exits: the front door, which Dabria could reach before me by cutting through the living room

Then… then why didn’t you go through the living room?

I was shoved hard from behind […] Dabria hovered a few feet above me – in the air

Look, you know she’s an angel, surely you’re not this surprised. Dabria then telekinetically fires household items at Nora and starts setting the house on fire with her mind, which she should maybe have done earlier when she was trying to kill her in any of the other confined spaces she attacked Nora in. Trapped in a burning room, suddenly Patch arrives!

“Dabria’s here,” I said […] “She’s burning down the house.”

Just in case Patch didn’t notice?

Apparently it being three hundred sixty five degrees didn’t tip him off.

Oh, also Vee’s life is probably in danger or something.

Chapter Twenty-Six

We learn at the end of the last chapter that Vee has gone missing.

Which, strangely enough, makes this book like Where’s Waldo in that the reader doesn’t give a shit about missing characters

Vee’s mom says that the last she heard, Vee was maybe going to go to a movie after the party. So Nora decides the most logical course of action is to go to a movie theater, in a town where Vee is not currently in, to go to a random movie, and see if maybe Nora’s there. Not even kidding, we went from an angel burning down Nora’s house with her mind to this in three pages.

Patch shows up at the movie theater and explains that Dabria isn’t a problem anymore because he tore off her wings so she’s stuck on earth forever. So, uh, problem solved? Then Patch talks about his feelings and Nora narrates her feelings and it’s not even funny how bad it is because it’s just repetitive. Like there’s a sentence about how Nora knows she shouldn’t want Patch:

I was pretty sure the self-preserving half of my brain was screaming, Run for your life!

And then there’s a sentence about how she wants him so badly anyway:

And that’s what I wanted … wasn’t it?

And this is actually 95% of this chapter. Aren’t you glad you’re not actually reading this book? I say we just skip to the part where Vee’s life is in danger because nobody likes Vee.

Elliot’s voice came on [the phone]. “Nora? Come play with us. Otherwise, there’s a tree in the common area with Vee’s name on it.”

Wait a second, that other girl Elliot was suspected of killing died by hanging too! I wonder if this means Elliot actually killed her?

Chapter Twenty-Seven

Nora tells Patch that Elliot just threatened to kill Vee, to which Patch has legitimately the greatest possible reaction ever.

He folded his arms, frowning. “Elliot?”

No. Seriously. We’re on page 345, have resolved the whole “mysterious hooded figure trying to murder Nora” conflicts, are just on the cusp of the climax of the entire novel as a whole, and Patch isn’t even sure who Elliot is. We have just over forty pages of novel left and the main male romantic lead has to double check that he knows who the other former romantic interest turned high school murderer out of the blue even is.

“I’ve seen Elliot. He seems cocky and a little aggressive, but he doesn’t strike me as a killer.”

Man, much like this novel’s other cocky and aggressive male character who’s trying to convince people that he doesn’t kill people, right?

“One more thing. Jules. Who is this guy?”

Oh, man, Patch doesn’t know who Jules is either?! Man, maybe Patch doesn’t give a shit about this novel either. Maybe I had him all wrong!

“Elliot’s friend. He was at the arcade the night we saw you.”
His frown deepened. “If there was another guy, I would remember.”

Honestly? I’m torn between thinking that Jules not being real is a legitimately interesting twist (not-so-subtly foreshadowed though it was), and being pretty sad that my favorite character, the one who was actively disinterested in the plot, wasn’t real the whole time. Actually, wait. What if this means that Jules gives so few fucks about this story that he was never even in the story?

Mind. Blown.

Posted in: Hush Hush