Please Cover Up: Bared to You Chapter 3

Posted on November 15, 2012 by


Chapter 3

Cary and Eva head to check out Parker’s Krav Maga studio in Brooklyn? When we last left off, I thought just Eva was going. Well, I guess if Cary didn’t come, there wouldn’t be anyone to wear a “stylish denim jacket” despite the cold!

While watching some Krav Maga go down, the characters discuss why Eva won’t tell her mother she’s going to learn Krav Maga. The reason being, “She won’t understand. She’ll think I want to protect myself because of what happened, and she’ll feel guilty and give me grief about it. She won’t believe my main interest is exercise and stress relief.” First of all, Eva, you’re a grown ass woman, you have no reason to feel pressured to tell your mother about your exercise related pursuits. Second of all, this conversation clearly only exists to intrigue the reader about Eva’s Mysterious Past.

In case you’re dying to know how legit this Parker guy’s studio is, here’s what Eva has to say:

His studio was in a rough neighborhood, but I thought it suited what he was teaching. It didn’t get more reality based than a big, empty warehouse.

Really? Wandering into a big, empty warehouse is the most realistic place you can think to defend yourself? Perhaps this book takes place in the same universe as some sort of video game in which the main character constantly has to battle shady characters in warehouses, it’s unclear.

Before you start think Parker is our Jacob, it turns out he’s wearing a wedding band. So let me get this straight, every male character in the book besides Gideon is either gay or married? Sounds like Eva has no choice but to fuck him.

The next day, Eva’s meets her step-father for lunch, and he tells her they need to discuss her interest in Krav Maga. Da fuck? Oh, don’t worry, he wasn’t having her followed or anything, her mom just tracked her cell phone! Don’t all mothers track their adult daughter’s cell phones?

Eva gets upset and says that her mother needs to move on from what happened in Eva’s Mysterious Past and let go, stop obsessing over her safety. Well played, Eva. Most of it anyway, except this, “‘I’m a grown woman. I make my own decisions. It’s the goddamn law!'” Shoulda just ended with, “I make my own decisions.” Can I just say I’m relieved the creepy stalker in this book is the mother and not the love interest (at least right now.)

An upset Eva is just trying to get her dark chocolate on when she heads back to work and ends up in the same elevator as Gideon again. I wonder if he makes her giddy.

“I’m not in the mood for you now, Mr. Cross.”

He watched the antique-style needle above the doors mark the passing floors. “I can get you in the mood.”


Eva tells him she thinks he’s hot but it’s not enough to get her to want to bang him. Gideon is like, “I don’t have time to date and have a girlfriend.” Heard this one before.

Somehow they end up in his office discussing how Gideon can get Eva into bed. If they start drawing up a contract, I’m ending this post here and going to bed. I don’t care if it’s 9:30, I’m tired!

Eva keeps telling us she’s soooo appalled by how blunt and crude he is, but then being like, “BUT I’M SO INTO IT!”

Gideon convinces Eva to make out with him at least once, and you know she can’t resist it. Apparently his hair is just irresistibly soft!

Things start getting hotter and heavier in a way that’s much better written than anything I’ve read in Fifty Shades until for no apparent reason Gideon says:

“Jesus, Eva.” A low rumble vibrated in his chest, the primitive sound sending goose bumps racing across my skin. “Your boss is damned lucky he’s gay.”

He probably means because she’s so  sexy it’d be distracting, but it also kind of sounds like he’s saying she’s so unattractive  her boss is lucky he’s not sexually attracted to women. Also it’s just really fucking random and weird to say while you’re first hooking up with someone.

Then they’re interrupted, and Eva is like, someone is behind Gideon. Oops! But now we’ll never know about his penis! DAMN IT!

Posted in: Bared To You