In Which Eva and Gideon Totally Almost Have Sex: Bared To You Chapter Three

Posted on November 16, 2012 by


Ariel and I went through the search terms recently, and apparently a few people have found the blog by searching for, of all things, the taco scene in Hush Hush. Apparently this is… well known?

Chapter Three

Eva and Cary go to a sketchy athletic studio/converted warehouse/underground fight club. Also, just in case you forgot, this novel is going to prominently feature penises.

“Ouch.” I winced in sympathy as a guy took a kick to the groin. Even with padding, that had to sting.

They talk about how Eva totally shouldn’t learn Krav Maga and if she does, her stepdad will be totally mad at her. It’s implied that Eva’s mom might misunderstand Eva’s motivations for learning self-defense “because of what happened”, so we’ll probably get to that later after Cary reminds the reader that he’s gay.

“That Parker guy is really hot,” Cary murmured.
“He’s also wearing a wedding band.”
“I noticed. The good ones always get snatched up quick.”

You know what I’m starting to notice about all the books we’ve read so far? Fifty Shades of Grey, Hush, Hush, and now Bared to You all have promiscuous best friends. Does everything have this trope?


That Friday at work, Eva does her job! Note how Eva goes to work and actually does work, unlike Ana in Fifty Shades who goes to work and sexts her boyfriend. Eva’s stepdad, Stanton, calls and wants to have lunch, which Eva reluctantly agrees to. Things get weirdly pseudo-Oedipal.

“Eat,” he said, with the command so easily wielded by all men of power. Men like Gideon Cross.

Stepdad Stanton asks her about her interest in Krav Maga! HOW DOES HE KNOW? I bet there’s a non-creepy and very realistic answer.

“How did [my mother] know where I was?”
“She tracked your cell phone. […] It gives her peace of mind.”

They talk about how her mom worries way too much, with varying degrees of unintentional hilarity.

“I’m a grown woman. I make my own decisions. It’s the goddamn law!”

She leaves lunch (drama!), buys some chocolate (yay!), and goes back to work and runs into Gideon Cross in the elevator! Again! Maybe she should stop taking the elevator if she keeps meeting him there?

I mean, I don’t know how the song’s message could have been conveyed more clearly.

Gideon tells his lackeys employees not to go in the elevator with him, and grabs Eva’s arm when she tries to leave. Eva admits that even if she is attracted to him, that doesn’t mean she wants to do anything about it. Gideon suddenly becomes my favorite character.

“Attraction is too tame a word for”—he gestured at the space between us—“this.”

Instead of laughing at him or calling the cops, Eva reacts to this by explaining that she has to like someone in order to sleep with him. Gideon says that makes sense, but that he doesn’t “have the time or the inclination to date”. He then continues to not be even remotely seductive.

His thumb brushed over the corner of my mouth, then lifted to his own. He sucked on the pad and purred, “Chocolate and you. Delicious.”

It gets worse.

“Romance isn’t in my repertoire, Eva. But a thousand ways to make you come are. Let me show you.”

She follows him because she “liked the charge I got from being around him”, which doesn’t really make sense.

He was buzzed through the security door so quickly there was no need for him to break stride. The pretty redhead at the reception desk pushed hastily to her feet, about to impart some information until he shook his head impatiently. Her mouth snapped shut and she stared at me as we passed at a brisk pace, her eyes wide.

Maybe this is just because of all the erotica I’ve been reading since starting this blog, but how does this not look like they’re going to fuck?

I’m still holding out hope, guys.

Gideon makes Eva meet with him about why she won’t have sex with him. As in he literally makes her.

he scooped me up like a bride and carried me over to the sofa. He dropped me on my butt, then sat next to me. “Your objections. It’s time to discuss what it’s going to take to get you beneath me.”

Despite how absurdly sexual harassment-y this all is (Note: Apparently I’m not the first person ever to write “sexual harassment-y” on the internet. Sad days.), Eva continues to garner increasingly less sympathy from me by fitting perfectly into the “girls like assholes” trope.

“I find your approach crude and offensive.”
And a major turn-on, but I was never going to admit it.

Eva says she wants to be more than an inflatable sex doll. Gideon asks her if she wants to be seduced. They debate the finer points of what makes casual sex work. Then he corners her and this is somehow super hot.

The strength and demand of his will exuded an almost tangible force field. When he stepped close enough, it surrounded me, closing me in with him. Everything outside that bubble ceased to exist, while inside it my entire body strained toward his. That he had such a profound, visceral effect on me while being so damn irritating had my mind spinning. How could I be so turned on by a man whose words should’ve turned me completely off?

Wait, what does this even mean? He wants her so badly that she can’t get away? Because it makes her want him too? Because it sounds more like “because he literally won’t let her move away from him”.

They start making out. I guess it’s hot?

Panting softly, I licked my dry lips. He groaned, tilted his head, and sealed his mouth over mine. […] I sighed an his tongue dipped inside, tasting me in long leisurely licks.

Hey, I’m just glad she didn’t describe it with “Holy fuck!” They keep making out and things heat up and he almost jumps her.

Look, how many clever jokes do you think I have in me?


Someone was behind him.

Somehow they didn’t notice this until now. Guess we’ll find out later?

But Is It Better Than Fifty Shades of Grey?

Well, we had our first fake-out sex scene way earlier than Fifty Shades of Grey, but with even less plausibility than it did in Fifty Shades of Grey somehow, which astounds me.

The Winner This Round: Fifty Shades of Grey

Posted in: Bared To You