Ana and Christian Fight or Something, I Dunno: Fifty Shades Freed Chapter Nine

Posted on March 5, 2013 by

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Remember how I’m writing my senior thesis on Oscar Wilde and Dr. Seuss ? Yeah, just reminding you I’m still doing that.

Chapter Nine

So at the end of the last chapter, Christian and Ana got into an argument about how Christian doesn’t feel comfortable with the idea of being tied up.

Something like this.

Sorry I forgot to tell you about this, everybody.

It’s always the same, if we argue the night before, this is how he ends up, coiled around me, making me hot and bothered.

See, even Ana realizes how repetitive this shit is.

“Eat,” he orders. “You didn’t eat yesterday.” […]
“That’s because you were being an arse.”
Mrs. Jones drops something that clatters into the sink, making me jump.

Maybe Mrs. Jones was surprised that Ana says “arse” and not “ass” like the entirely of America, where the novel takes place, does.

“Arse or not—eat.” His tone is serious. No arguing with him.
“Okay! Picking up spoon, eating granola,” I mutter like a petulant teenager.

I like when the characters in this book explicitly compare their emotional maturity to that of teenagers. It’s just like dramatic irony, but it’s even better because E L James certainly didn’t mean do it on purpose.

This is basically how this scene looks in my head.

This is basically how this scene looks in my head.

They talk about the helicopter crash and somehow this leads perfectly into Ana telling Christian about the gun she found in his desk. Which I also forgot to tell you about. Haha, sorry everybody! It’s impossible to know what’s important in this book. Except seriously, they’re talking about the helicopter crash, and Ana’s like “That reminds me! Guns!” (I cut out a little bit of text, but it actually reads like this. All I cut were some “Holy crap!”s. You know. The usual.)

“Five people have been fired because of that, Ana. It won’t happen again.” […]
“That reminds me. There’s a gun in your desk.”

How exactly does Ana think they got fired?

“It’s Leila’s,” he says finally.
“It’s fully loaded.”
“How do you know?” His frown deepens.
“I checked it yesterday.”
He scowls at me. “I don’t want you messing with guns. I hope you put the safety back on.”
I blink at him, momentarily stupefied. “Christian, there’s no safety on that revolver. Don’t you know anything about guns?”
His eyes widen. “Um . . . no.”

But Christian sure does know a lot about guns, eh? Eh? Ha, I make money to write dick jokes on the internet.

Unfortunately, the gun control debate continues.

“You should ask Taylor to teach you how to shoot,” I say as we travel downin the elevator. Christian gazes down at me, amused. […]“Anastasia, I despise guns. My mom has patched up too many victims of gun crime, and my dad is vehemently antigun. I grew up with their ethos. I support at least two gun control initiatives here in Washington.”
“Oh. Does Taylor carry a gun?”
Christian’s mouth thins. […]
“Let’s just say that Taylor and I hold very different views with regard to gun control.” I’m with Taylor on this.

Because we clearly need Fifty Shades of Grey to weigh in on the gun control issue.

The only thing that stops a bad guy with a gun is a good guy who's read Fifty Shades of Grey.

The only thing that stops a bad guy with a gun is a good guy who’s read Fifty Shades of Grey.

They move on from arguing about guns to arguing about Leila, whom Christian’s been keeping tabs on to make sure she’s recovering and staying far away from them. Ana’s uncomfortable with how many tabs he’s keeping on a former woman he’s been involved with, but realizes he has some pretty intense baggage. But she doesn’t word it this well.

Christian’s baggage hardly compares to Bradley Kent from biology class and his half-assed attempts to kiss me.

Yes, Christian’s baggage is exactly like this character we’ve never met from this story from Ana’s past that she has never revealed to us and we, as a reader, have absolutely no knowledge of. Good metaphor, James.

Ana and Christian email during work again, because they are adults.

Mrs. Grey
I am delighted to see you have spoken to the IT dept and changed your name. 😀
I shall sleep safe in my bed knowing that my gun-toting wife sleeps beside me.
Christian Grey
CEO & Hoplophobe, Grey Enterprises Holdings Inc.

Ana is confused.

Hoplophobe? What the hell is that?

Fucking Google it, Ana. There was an entire chapter in the first book about you learning how to use internet search engines, I know you know how to do this.

Christian has a business trip to New York and Ana’s going to be all on her own. Ana plans to spend the night having a few drinks with Kate (Remember Kate? She’s a character in this novel!), and emails Christian her plans.

And I shall behave. I mean how much trouble can I get into with Kate?

In this book? Jesus, you’re probably going to end up in a bank robbery or something. Christian predictably calls Ana to express his disapproval of Ana going out on her own (seriously). Ana has to remind Christian who Kate even is (not seriously, but seriously read this line and try not to laugh).

“I’ve only seen her a few times since you and I met. Please. She’s my best friend.”

…or get rather depressed that this is actually a serious problem in this novel that is supposed to be romantic and not misogynistic

I'm more moved by the romance in Adventure Time than this. Fucking Adventure Time, guys.

I’m more moved by the romance in Adventure Time than this. Fucking Adventure Time, guys.

Christian tells Ana she’ll stay in with Kate and Ana agrees. Kate tells Ana they’ll go out for just one drink and Ana agrees. God, Ana, this is just getting pathetic. We learn that there’s extra security on the rest of the Greys, that Gia (the architect from the last chapter) had a fling with Ethan (Kate’s boyfriend and Christian’s brother), and Kate feels like drinking because she never sees Ana. That’s pretty depressing.

“Why are you grinning like a loon, Ana? You like making Christian mad?”

I ask myself this all the time, Kate.

Ana goes back home and realizes Christian has texted her saying he’s mad that she went out when she said she wouldn’t. Ana and Taylor get back home and realize that someone’s broken in, and Taylor and the rest of the security team subdues Jack Hyde, who had broken in. Whoa, it’s like Christian wanted Ana to stay in for her safety, but if she had stayed in, she would have been in danger!

Would you believe there isn't a gif of this anywhere on the internet?

Would you believe there isn’t a gif of this anywhere on the internet?

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