Bad Sandwiches, Good Times: The Chip Butty

Posted on September 18, 2013 by

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A few weeks back I did the first in a series of posts about awful sandwiches you can learn how to make on WikiHow. A lot more people had thoughts to share about the potato chip sandwich than I was honestly expecting, so this feature is officially a good idea! For some reason!

But perhaps you saw the chip sandwich and you thought “Cor blimey, Matthew! I’m English! Wait, why do you think English people talk like this, you wanker? Please stop typing.” If that’s the case, then we have a chip-based sandwich from the other side of the pond where “chips” means “french fries”, as well as “a way to pretend to sound better than Americans even though let’s be serious here we’re talking about ways you can eat a goddamn potato”.

I bring you, the chip butty.

The cthulu of sandwiches.

The cthulhu of sandwiches.

What The Fuck?

Yes, those are fries and ketchup in between two slices of bread. Based on what we’ve learned this week and last week, some people want to eat sandwiches even though they just really fucking hate them. A lot of people defended the potato chip sandwich last time around because they like the crunch the chips add to the sandwich. I have no idea what people will have to say in defense of this “side as a main dish”. They like the squish? I don’t know what I have coming for me. Not a heart attack from eating this thing, though. That’s for certain.

Steps

Butter your bread. Make sure you have a good layer of butter on each slice of bread – chip butties are well known for being sopping with butter! Only real butter will do, no cheating with margarine.

Oh my god, it’s even worse than I thought. This is something England came up with? Not, I don’t know… Wisconsin?

Add the chips. Place a heaping layer of hot chips on your bread. Chips (called french fries in the USA) are what give the chip butty its name.

Okay, but then what gives it the “butty” part of its name? That… that seems like much more important information.

Add optional toppings. A chip butty should be enjoyed with a few dollops of ketchup or HP sauce; however, you can add an extra surge of flavour by adding cheese, sliced meats, tomato, or your favourite sauces. Salt & pepper would not be out of place on a chip butty, either.

I love the way the author worded that: “Salt & pepper would not be out of place”, as if there is a sense of reason and order to such a thing as a chip butty. It’s a sandwich that is literally just fries, bread, and butter. It is a bunch of sides combined into one meal, and not in an arguably totally okay way like just ordering a bunch of appetizers from a Chinese restaurant.

Finished.

There’s a fun double meaning to this, because this sandwich will kill you.

Also because the sort of person who needs instructions for figuring out how to make this is also the sort of person who needs to be told when they're done.

Also because the sort of person who needs instructions for figuring out how to make this is also the sort of person who needs to be told when they’re done.

Tips

Just in case putting french fries in between two slices of bread is somehow too complicated for you.

Don’t forget to “squish” the sandwich down – for some reason this always makes it taste better

Who among us can say they understand the vast mysteries of the universe?

Use good quality chips/fries.

Yes, our chief concern with the chip butty is quality, people.

Only use real butter.

I like how this had to be said twice in the article, because it suggests that it’s been a problem in the past.

Warnings

This is not the healthiest choice for a sandwich, because it is extremely high in cholesterol and carbohydrates. Eat with caution.

Uhhhhhhhhhhhhhh

And then you add french fries. Or chips, if you're going to die in the UK.

Uhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh

Terrifying Statistic

Thanks to all authors for creating a page that has been read 25,758 times.

Not quite as bad as the potato chip sandwich. Which… might be good? I’m uncertain about this.

No, Seriously, What The Fuck?

See, the fun thing about the potato chip sandwich was that the article was clearly a joke. Beautiful photography, instructions like “Enjoy with a cold can of soda or any other preferred beverage”… the author was very clearly “in” in the humor of the potato chip sandwich. And a criminally undertasked photographer.

I cannot get over how beautiful this is.

I cannot get over how beautiful this is.

But this chip butty character? SEEMS PRETTY SERIOUS. Repeated explanations about the American and English linguistic differences surrounding chips and fries? A pretty straightforward recipe not only without any frivolous extra steps, but with explanations for why this thing is the way it is, like there’s some grand culinary science behind how the sopping butter adds to the subtle butter flavour.

The word of the chip butty is being spread, guys.

Matthew Didn’t Eat This But Here’s A Rating Anyway

One thousand calories out of one thousand.

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