Postscript #2: Puppies and Poopies

Posted on January 22, 2014 by


It’s time for the second installment of Postscript where we honor you, our beautiful, wonderful readers and your fantastic comments.

Beautiful Disaster/Walking Disaster

Everyone is concerned about plot puppy:

I’m going to generously assume that plot puppy is down at the vet’s, getting his 12 week vaccination. Because otherwise he’s STARVING TO DEATH, plus pooping all over their entire apartment. Maybe House of Night‘s Zoey would like a go with it… IF YOU GIVE SOMEONE A DOG, TRAVIS, AT LEAST HAVE THE DECENCY TO WALK IT! Grrr. Which is, approximately, the noise plot puppy is making right now. – (Also classic Zoey burn.Jane Lovering

E.H.Taylor makes the best analogy for why plot puppy is a ridiculous, absurdly manipulative gift:

“You can keep him here. I’ll take care of him for you when you’re back at Morgan,” his mouth pulled up into a half smile, “and it’s my security that you’ll visit when your month is up.”
I just don’t get this. ‘Here, I bought you this puppy but I’m going to take him and raise him and basically have him as my dog. You can visit though! Besides, I don’t trust that you won’t come see me after this so I’m using him as a form of blackmail’. That’s like if the doctor who delivered your baby was all, ‘Well, he’s kind of cute so I’m going to take him home with me. You’re free to visit though! Besides, you’re my favorite patient and this way I’m sure to see you again.’

Feelings on Jamie McGuire are pretty unanimous:

How can Jamie McGuire just leave out entire scenes of shit that Travis does? I’m pretty sure she wrote walking disaster first. Also I HATE her argument that her book is okay because damaged people fall in love too. Yup, they sure do, but you’re glamorizing it and making young women think that this is an acceptable relationship to be in.
You know who could write better? my five month old. Right now all he says is “pppbbbtttt” (raspberries). – Ali

KayMia discovers that we actually have no idea how many hands Travis has:

The fight scene now baffles me. Travis has how many hands again? He has the dude’s throat in one, the dude’s T-shirt in another, and he’s punching repeatedly with which hand(s)? How is this working? Only guy for whom this would remotely make sense is Bruce Lee, and I refuse to believe Travis has anything to do with the awesome that was/is Bruce Lee. Dafuq.

Kate perfectly sums up our thoughts on the Trabby sex scene:

Strangely enough, I feel like McGuire somehow tricked me into giving a shit about Abby and Travis getting together? Not because I even remotely wanted to read about that, but because I was so fucking sick of reading page after page of the same but-do-they-have-feelings-for-each-other? conversations. I was legitimately thrilled when they slept together, because I thought, “Ah, yes, finally they have acknowledged their feelings! We can move on!
And then Abby stole away in the night, out of Travis’ bedroom and right into mine so that she could kick me directly in the face as punishment for my naivete, and on her way out the door, she loudly pondered why everyone thinks that she and Travis are more than friends.

laptop yay

How we felt after reading that comment. AGREE HARD.

Madeline manages to mock both Travis’ song & dance number AND America’s lackluster friendship skills:

I voted for impromptu song and dance without really believing there would ACTUALLY BE an impromptu song and dance. This fucking book man. Also,
America: “He got really freaked out and violent. It was the scariest thing I’ve ever seen in my life. You need to call him RIGHT NOW my bestest friend in the world.”
What the hell, America.

I see what you did there, future venusian:

Yeah, Abby’s supposed to be a math whiz but she can’t seem to put two and two together.

House of Night: Marked

One of our least favorite things about this book is the diction, or, as the kids are calling it these days, the wordspeak the teeny-bopper homeboys be jivin. Maybe. As other people who use the English language, you guys apparently hate the way people speak in House of Night too.

I just don’t understand why they have to talk like this? When they’re halfway through a dialogue I already forgot what the subject was. Not that I care to begin with, but still. –Beatriz

How is this relevant to the story? Who the fuck talks like that? And who the hell gets confused about what happens when people use the bathroom? –Bellomy

The aforementioned hip, happening, down with it P.C. Cast and her like totally helpful, knows all the slang, daughter are such great people for trying to end cussing in books. I mean, before I read this book (blog actually…no way I’m ruining my life enough to ACTUALLY read this shit…I mean crap) I cussed all the fucking time. I mean like, ALWAYS. Now? Now, I am learning and will no longer call people assholes or fuckers. No, they are POOPIE HEADS. –Vivienne

Lots of laughs over the weird insult about Aphrodite’s vagina:

That insult towards Aphrodite I didn’t really get either because when I read it I pictured Aphrodite flying at people’s faces vagina first while giving a war-cry. – cupcake2eater

Is Aphrodite Shelob from The Lord of the Rings?! – Manny

Perhaps Shaunee wasn’t joking, and was explaining to Zoey that Aphrodite actually has Spider-Man like abilities, except the webbing comes out of her vagina. She uses this to capture and eat actual human beings, or force-feed them to all who oppose her. This is why she’s so “popular”, of course. Who WOULDN’T be scared to go up against the amazing Vagina-Spider-Man in all of her cannibalistic horror? – Bellomy

We noticed pretty early on that Marked pretty closely imitates Mean Girls. We didn’t roll with this joke anywhere near as much as you guys did.

If they don’t have a moment where Aphrodite’s two minions go: “If you’re one quarter Cherokee, why are you white?” “Oh my God, Minion number two, you can’t just ask people why they’re white!”. I’ll be so disappointed. –Beatriz

I say you can put the book down and just watch Mean Girls if Zoey starts giving Aphrodite bad blood that makes her fat. –E. H. Taylor

Madeleine has some sick burns.

Why is this book called ‘Marked’? It should be called ‘Wannabe’ or ‘Offensive.’

We are terrible salesmen.

I am still waiting for my “Proud Supporter of Blow Jobs” mug. When you guys going to make that? –Vivienne

The Room

Bellomy makes a good point about Denny:

He’s NOT their son?!?!?!? I can’t tell if that makes the scene better or worse.