Nevermind, Aphrodite’s Not Normal Yet: House of Night Untamed Chapter 4

Posted on November 17, 2015 by

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Guess what? I’m on vacation visiting friends in Nashville! I have been in Nashville since my last post on Friday! If I found out you guys threw any crazy parties while I was gone, I’m gonna be so mad.

House of Night: Untamed Chapter 4

Zoey goes to her room and finds Aphrodite already there, waiting for her. Aphrodite explains that she’s in Zoey’s room because vampyres don’t use locks, because the Casts seriously have to re-explain every single minor detail every single book. Furthermore, Stevie Rae is outside the window, having scaled the wall using her new un-undead-vampyre climbing abilities.

Everyone be very excited for Stevie Rae.

Everyone be very excited for Stevie Rae.

Zoey also uses this opportunity to remind the reader that until recently, Stevie Rae was one of many dead House of Night students turned undead zombie/vampyres, but she uniquely held onto some of her humanity, possibly because of her special affinity for earth. I guess this is a useful reminder, since there’s so much pointless shit happening in this series that we actually haven’t seen any of those creatures for over an entire book.

Stevie Rae then realizes that all of her stuff is missing from Zoey’s room, and she gets really mad about it. Even the characters in House of Night groan and remind her that this is because the rest of the world is under the impression that Stevie Rae is dead, I mean seriously, Stevie Rae, get with the program, Jesus Christ.

They have a whole goddamn conversation about Stevie Rae’s notoriously tacky taste in accessories before someone in this fucking book finally asks Aphrodite why the twist that happened to her at the end of the last book seems to have been totally undone.

Aphrodite sighed, and with a weirdly slow motion-like movement, she brought the back of her hand up and wiped it across her forehead, causing the outline of the crescent moon to smear and partially rub off.
I gasped. “Oh, god, Aphrodite! You’re . . .” My words sputtered out as my mouth refused to say it.
“Human,” Aphrodite supplied for me in a flat, cold voice.

tracy morgan gasp

Ok. I probably should have guessed that something was up, but I hardly think I should have anticipated that the bar was as low as “the Goddess-given vampyre tattoos can apparently be very convincingly faked with makeup or marker or something”.

Stevie Rae begins to explain that Aphrodite still isn’t a normal human, however. But before this can be explained, we have to waste more time in typically House of Night ways. Like insults that don’t make sense:

“Again with the bad G-rated movie analogy.”

Fights over who loves Zoey the most:

“No wonder Zoey needs a new BFF. You’re totally a Pollyanna pain in the ass.”
“Zoey does not need a new BFF!” Stevie Rae yelled

Aaaaaand racism:

“You should have eaten your countrified mom when you were dead,” Aphrodite said, bowing up like she thought she was black.

I have no idea what that’s even supposed to mean, but I’m 100% certain it’s racist.

This was a very convenient gif for me to just stumble upon.

This was a very convenient gif for me to just stumble upon.

You don’t really care how Aphrodite and Stevie Rae eventually stop fighting, because you know there’s so little character development in this series that they’ll just start fighting again for the same reason anywhere between eight chapters and eight books from now, right? Good. Because I genuinely don’t know why they stop fighting, and it genuinely doesn’t matter.

Stevie Rae reveals that even though Aphrodite is now human, she still has visions. That one sentence could have been the summary of this entire chapter. Just don’t think about that too much.

Even worse, Aphrodite reveals that she’s had her most terrible vision yet.

“I saw vampyres slaughtering humans and humans killing vampyres right back. I saw a world filled with violence and hatred and darkness. And in the darkness I saw creatures that were so horrible, I couldn’t tell what they were. I— I couldn’t even keep looking at them. I saw the end of everything.”

Shit, that sounds bad.

“I saw all of it happening because you were dead, Zoey. Your death made it happen.”

AND YET TOTALLY WORTH IT.

I'm not sure I have words to express how excited this notion makes me, so here's a gif of a dog that seems to come close

I’m not sure I have words to express how excited this notion makes me, so here’s a gif of a dog that seems to come close

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