Beau Assures Werewolves That This Is a Good Ending: Life and Death Epilogue Part 2

Posted on December 22, 2015 by


Today we finish the absurdly long epilogue to Life and Death: Twilight Reimagined, where Beau is meeting with werewolves that have never been in the story until now and serve no narrative purpose, just fanservice.

And not even the abs kind of fanservice.

And not even the abs kind of fanservice.

Life and Death: Epilogue (continued)

In the moments leading up to their meeting with the werewolves to try to convince them that the treaty hasn’t been broken, Beau worries about the possibility that his untested bloodlust might make things go really, really badly. The Cullens are positioned upwind, so hopefully he won’t even have to smell the werewolves. Once again, werewolves are totally an important part of this story, that is ending right now during the first time we’ve seen them.

They meet with the werewolves at the rendezvous point. The only important one is Bonnie, who is not-Jacob’s mom and is very suspicious that a vampire’s new teenage boyfriend “just happened” to have to become a vampire.

Bonnie looked at me. “Then where is Beau? Do you expect me to believe he’s inside that thing that bears some slight resemblance to him?”
Hurt was strong in her voice, but so was hate. I was surprised by her reaction. Did I really seem so different? Like I wasn’t even here?

I dunno. Beau/Bella changes so much as genders and there had to be a whole book about how that’s different, so you tell me.

“I know I look and sound a little different, but I’m still me, Bonnie. […] I don’t know how to convince you. What I told Sam was true – another vampire bit me. She would have killed me too […]”
“If they hadn’t gotten involved with you, this would never have happened! Charlie’s life wouldn’t be broken in pieces – you’d still be the boy I knew.”

“The boy I knew” being the person she knew as an infant, and then only ever saw again like a week ago.

Aside from that, sure, this is a fairly tricky argument to counter, because it’s so full of if-thens that the point of blame isn’t even what happened, but what someone is convinced is absolutely, beyond a doubt the scenario that caused it to happen. This is a hard person to try to persuade! Hopefully Beau has prepared with something very carefully worded.

I was prepared. “Bonnie, there’s something you didn’t know about me.…   I used to smell really good to vampires.”

friends rachel sure

Oh god.

“If the Cullens hadn’t been here, those other vampires would still have come to Forks. They might have killed more than me while they were here, but I can promise you, if Charlie had survived, he would be missing me just the same.”

Bonnie gives up because this is going nowhere from a narrative standpoint sadly concedes and decides the treaty is still intact. But is still pretty salty about it.

I apologize for our infraction tonight. I…” She sighed. “It was a mistake. I was…   overwrought.”
“We understand,” Carine said softly. “There was no harm done. Maybe even some good. It’s better to understand each other as much as possible. Perhaps we could even talk again some—”
“The treaty is unbroken,” Bonnie said in a hard voice. “Don’t ask any more from us.”

Well, this seems like a problem that can only be solved with Beau’s ambiguous specialness!

The breeze shifted.
Edythe and Carine both grabbed my arms at the same time. […]
“What are you doing to him?” Bonnie demanded.
“Protecting you,” Edythe snapped. […]
It was bad. Bonnie’s scent was like fire as it rushed down my throat, but it was more than just pain. It was a thousand times more appealing than any of the animals I’d hunted, not even in the same class. […] And yet, while I wanted to quench my thirst…   badly…   I knew instantly that I didn’t have to. […]
It only took half a second for me to figure all this out.
“No, don’t worry, Bonnie,” I said quickly. “I’m new to this, and they don’t want me to…   lose it, you know? But I’m okay.”
Edythe slowly took her hand off my arm. Carine looked at me, her face kind of… awed. […] I could see [Bonnie] was confused, too. She hadn’t expected me to act so much like myself

office space that was easy

Real talk: Is Bella/Beau more so a character or a deus ex machina? Because their entire role in the plot is that they keep happening to be unique in ways that aren’t really explained and mostly just fortuitous to the plot. I mean, this ranges from “Beau’s going to be blood-crazy like every new vampire! Oh, wait, turns out he’s not, unlike every other vampire, for no apparent reason. Phew!” to “Beau isn’t a very fully-developed character! Oh, wait, Edythe is in love with him anyway, for no apparent reason. Phew!”

Beau uses the opportunity to ask Bonnie for a favor and prove that not all vampires are so terrible…

“Please, just…   take care of [my dad]? Don’t let him be alone too much. I never wanted to do this to him…   or my mom. That’s the hardest part of all this. For me, it’s fine. I’m good. If only there was anything I could do to make it better for them, I would, but I can’t. Could you please watch out for him? […] Do you think…   you could let me know if there ever is something I can do? You know, from behind the scenes?”
She nodded slowly. “I suppose there may be some of Beau left after all.”

… thus suggesting at peace may come at last for the centuries of vampire-werewolf conflict. Which was only ever mentioned once before it suddenly mattered here, in the epilogue.

star wars phantom menace peace

Beau also asks if she’ll ever tell Jules what really happened to him. She says yes. He asks her to let her know that he’s happy. Suddenly it occurs to me that Beau has seemingly stopped giving a shit about his friends from school that we had to spend like 2/3 of the book with, following their relationship drama. But sure, this one minor character who was in like two scenes. Let’s focus on her.

As they all part ways and the book comes to an end, Beau and Edythe re-re-re-re-re-re-re-re-re-re-reaffirm their eternal love for each other, just in case you were still worried about that.

I pulled her tight against me. “I can handle anything as long as you’re with me.”
She wrapped her arms around my neck. “Then here I will stay.”
“Forever,” I said.
“Forever,” she agreed.
I leaned down until my lips found hers.
Forever was going to be amazing.



Yes, there is also an AFTERWORD. Where Stephanie Meyer touches on gender AGAIN! It is still pretty off-the-mark!

But let me be quick to say, the fact that Beau becomes a vampire has nothing at all to do with the fact that he is a boy, not a girl. This change also does not mean that I prefer it to the original or think that the original was “wrong.”

If you literally have to include some pages at the end of your book immediately explaining why your book doesn’t suck, maybe you’re trying a little too hard.

This has always just been the big what if?

I kind of feel like that is “the big what if” to literally zero Twilight fans. I’m pretty sure there’s a way bigger one.

I'm pretty sure

I’m pretty sure

Meyer also explains how the books have different endings, with different kinds of happiness and different kinds of tragedy. Because Stephanie Meyer thinks you’re a fucking idiot, I guess.

I hope that you’ve enjoyed a different look at Twilight that really isn’t very different at all

I would like to point out, one last time, that Meyer added a scene where Beau reenacts a goddamn soap opera scene in order to turn a girl down, and that we could only conclude that this is because Meyer understands that as something that boys just do.