Grandma Is Already In A Coma: House of Night Untamed Chapter 28

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House of Night: Untamed Chapter 28

Five chapters ago, Zoey’s grandma filled her in about the series’ new bad guys that attack people close to death and joked that, haha, good thing she isn’t close to death. Just in case the foreshadowing wasn’t subtle enough, this chapter immediately makes damn sure you know Grandma’s fucked.

“I want you to promise me something.”
“Okay, Grandma,” I said sleepily.
“No matter what happens, I want you to promise me that you’ll remember Kalona must not rise. Nothing and no one is more important than that.”

I know I just used this gif but REALLY

Even Zoey thinks the Casts made this a little too obvious.

“You’re sounding like you won’t be around to keep me straight,” I said

I like how with the Casts accidentally made Zoey sound like either a con trying to be talked into doing one last job, or a junkie. Or like suddenly, for this one line of dialogue only, Zoey is suddenly in danger of becoming a villain in the story. I guess I’m just glad that they didn’t turn “keep me straight” into one of their many gay jokes, like that time everyone lost their shit over the word “queer”.

Anyway, with the foreshadowing as obvious as it could possibly get, the book just can’t wait any longer to put Grandma into a coma.

[The next morning], I was surprised to see Shekinah standing there, along with Aphrodite and Neferet. And Aphrodite was crying. […]
“She was in a car wreck. A bad one. She lost control as she was driving down Main Street because . . . because a big black bird flew into her window. Her car left the road and hit a light pole head-on.” Tears were running down Aphrodite’s face, but her voice was steady. “She’s at St. John’s Hospital in intensive care.”

Zoey realizes that the Raven Mocker she found at the window last night must have overheard her and grandma talking about her plans to go to town for lunch, so they knew to attack her! Because there aren’t already shitloads of Raven Mockers chilling around the school campus with nothing to do but watch what Zoey and company are up to. Which for some reason Zoey can only dispel by using her wind powers to push them away for a bit, rather than any of her other magic powers like fire. But yes, it’s totally Zoey’s fault this other way too.

Shekinah explains that Darius is waiting in a car to take Zoey to the hospital. Aphrodite asks to go with Zoey for support, and Neferet continues her evil plan, which consists mostly of being vaguely rude to teenagers.

“May I go with her?” Aphrodite asked.
“You already missed all of your classes yesterday, and I don’t—” […]
“Don’t you agree that family is more important than academics?” Shekinah said to Neferet.
Neferet hesitated just for a second. “Yes, of course I do.”

The Casts continue to have a way with words.

Aphrodite gave Neferet a big reassuring smile that was as fake as Pamela Anderson’s boobs.

I tell you, it really cleared things up to me, the upper upper end of the book’s target millennial audience, that House of Night clarified just how fake Aphrodite was being by referencing a tv star who was most culturally relevant two decades ago.

On their way out, Zoey and Aphrodite vent about Neferet, and how the two of them being friends is the kink in her evil plans (somehow). Zoey sends Aphrodite off to their friends to give them portions of the rest of her grandma’s magic protective powder. Which I know sounds like I’m talking about something else – I’m stuck trying to figure out how to summarize this one.

They get to the hospital and are admitted to the intensive care unit. (It’s interesting to note that Zoey’s grandma has Zoey listed as her next of kin, which would be an interesting moment to unpack if even House of Night didn’t seem tired of Zoey’s mom’s subplot.) Zoey and Aphrodite don’t like it.

“Even before what’s happened recently, Raven Mockers had the ability to mess with old people who were on the verge of death. Grandma’s old, and now she’s— she’s . . .” […]
“She needs more protection than nurses looking through a window every once in a while,” Aphrodite said.

The doctor explains that they’ve induced a coma and her chances look good. Zoey knows that the hospital can’t protect her grandma from the Raven Mockers, so she asks if a Medicine Man can be called in to help her grandma, who is Cherokee, for her spiritual recovery. Because apparently Zoey now knows that Cherokee Medicine Men can be used to combat the Raven Mockers she only just learned about.

“Well, I suppose you could, but not until later, when she’s out of intensive care.” [Dr. Ruffing] sounded very sincere. “You have to understand that this is a Catholic hospital, and we really only allow those—”
“Catholic?” I interrupted, feeling a flood of relief. “So you’d allow a nun to sit with Grandma.”
“Well, yes, of course. Nuns and priests often visit our patients.”
I smiled. “Excellent. I know the perfect nun.”

“The Perfect Nun” sounds like a way better book than this one.

Tagged: books, chosen, Excerpts, House of Night, Humor, Kristin Cast, Neferet, P. C. Cast, reading, recap, vampires, young adult, Zoey Redbird

Posted in: House of Night: Untamed