The Lazy Reader’s Guide: March 7-11, 2016

Posted on March 13, 2016 by

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It’s the Lazy Reader’s Guide on a SUNDAY! Everything’s gone MAD!

Left Behind

Ariel doesn’t understand Carpathia’s convoluted rise to power, and our main characters finally cross paths!

  • Buck has a meeting with Bailey (his new boss) and Steve (his former boss who’s going to work for Carpathia and is already apparently evil). They talk about the rumors that Carpathia is getting some fancy-pants job at the UN tomorrow. It doesn’t matter what job exactly. Nothing in this book makes sense.
  • Steve confirms that Carpathia will only take the job if the rest of the work meets certain demands, including 10% disarmament and a seven-year peace treaty with Israel. Very suspicious. Definitely sounds like the mad work of the antichrist to me.
  • After that meeting, Buck, Rayford, Hattie, and Chloe all meet at last. Now this story will totally make sense.
  • Buck and Chloe are already madly in love. It’s the worst.
  • Rayford tells Hattie that he’s sorry he led her on because he was only ever interested in using her for sex. Then he tells her about how he’s found Jesus. This is probably more objectively the worst, but ugh I really can’t with Buck and Chloe and it’s just the first chapter of that shit.

adventure time ice king i hate them

House of Night: Untamed

Zoey and company perform a ritual, which is oddly the only one that happens in this book. Neferet barely even pretends to not be an evil villain in front of the vampyre president, who doesn’t seem to be bothered. Next week we read the last chapter. It remains to be seen what exactly was untamed.

  • It’s a ritual. We’ve read like four dozen of them before.
  • Zoey reveals that Aphrodite isn’t really blessed with an earth affinity, but was holding it for the undead Stevie Rae, who is revealing her existence to the vampyre world… now!
  • Neferet accuses Zoey of reanimating her dead students, and reveals Stark, claiming this is proof of Zoey’s evil deeds. She then tells Stark to shoot Stevie Rae in the chest with a bow and arrow, which nobody finds even a little weird.
  • Neferet declares herself the Queen Tsi Sgili and “then the night exploded”, so that oughta be fun.
  • Vampyre highest priestess Shekinah has like two lines of dialogue during all this madness, because apparently she doesn’t give a fuck.

star-wars-give-a-fuck-1

I'm sorry, I know I just used these recently, but there's a good reason!

And More!

Jezebel has a great breakdown on the shitshow about to go down on The BachelorYes, I’ve been watching The Bachelor. I’m super into it. Not gonna lie.

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