The Lazy Reader’s Guide: March 21 – 25

Posted on March 26, 2016 by


Left Behind

Everyone is finally confident that Carpathia is the Antichrist (fucking finally), but then wonder, “but who, like, is actually the Antichrist?”

  • Carpathia is basically made king of the world because everyone is obsessed with him.
  • The motherfucking Tribulation Force assembles.
  • Buck is 100% confident that this is the Rapture and really wants to be a member of the Tribulation Force (who doesn’t!), but then for some reason decides to take his sweet time accepting Christ.
  • Hattie is Carpathia’s new personal assistant/fuck buddy.
  • Steve continues to definitely be completely evil now.
  • IS STONAGAL THE ANTICHRIST? Obviously he fucking isn’t, shut up everyone.

Beautiful Redemption

This week we returned to the greatest fictional universe in the entire world. A fictional universe where you’re either a Maddox, a tough-talking lady, a Blando, or a Blandette. Liis and Thomas immediately have sex because McGuire means business in this book. We then meet Val, who joins the sacred ranks of Reagan and America as the TOUGH-TALKIN’ BFF.

  • This time we’re not at college and a bar. This time we’re not at a tattoo parlour and a bar. No. This time we’re at the mother flipping FBI headquarters and a bar.
  • Liis is geese but with an L. Hawt.
  • But she tells Thomas her name is emotionally unavailable. A fact that the book will never let us forget.
  • Liis doesn’t know it yet, but Thomas is her boss. He also lives in the apartment above hers!
  • Val tells it like it is, and she’s telling us that the burgers at Fuzzy’s are the only way to go. A fact that she will repeat for the rest of the book for some reason. BBGT FIELD TRIP TO FUZZY’S!!!!!