The Lazy Reader’s Guide: March 28-April 1

Posted on April 2, 2016 by


Notice how we didn’t do anything dumb for April Fool’s Day yesterday. It’s cool. We got you. You’re safe here.

Left Behind

We finished the first Left Behind book! It ended with Carpathia killing Stonagal and Todd-Cothran, and then used his magic antichrist powers to get everyone to think that those two killed themselves. Also Buck got fired, and I guess Rayford is still a character.

  • Buck arrives at Carpathia’s Totally-Not-Evil Secret Meeting, where he designates his new henchmen as the new leaders of the world, which is totally not evil.
  • He then takes his security guard’s gun and murders Stonagal and Todd-Cothran in cold blood, thus cementing them as characters who I guess were important?
  • Carpathia brainwashes everyone into forgetting the murder he purposefully did in front of them. You know what they say: the greatest trick the devil ever pulled was convincing the world that the climax of Left Behind didn’t happen.
  • Buck doesn’t get brainwashed because he has finally accepted God onto his side! But he does get fired, because that wasn’t super helpful.
  • Left Behind ends with Buck realizing that he and his friends will have to “stand and fight the enemies of God during the seven most chaotic years the planet would ever see”, AKA that the sequels are really gonna suck.
  • I swear, Rayford is still a character in this story.
I like how even Nicholas Cage doesn't seem to understand Rayford as a character

I like how even Nicholas Cage on the promotional poster doesn’t seem to understand Rayford

Beautiful Redemption

Liis gets promoted on her first day at her new job, and Thomas manages to not be as much of an asshole as his brothers. I am honestly perplexed by this.

  • Liis and Thomas finally cross paths at work and have their “oh shit” moment. She slept with her new boss! He slept with the new transfer! What a wacky mishap!
  • Val immediately figures this out, because this is a Jamie McGuire novel taking place at the FBI, so everyone is basically psychic.
  • Thomas is an asshole boss and tells Liis that her report was garbage. She tells him that he is an asshole boss and that her report was not garbage. Thomas immediately promotes her.
  • They cross paths again at the bar later, and again in the elevator in their apartment building. Thomas apologizes for not reviewing her application thoroughly and not knowing that she was his new employee when they had their one-night stand. They agree they got off on the wrong foot and to treat each other with respect.
  • We barely meet office creeper Sawyer so he’s not really important yet.
pocahontas give a fuck

Don’t worry. He’s a creepy asshole and this is a Jamie McGuire novel. We’ll be re-introduced to him next week.

And More

  • I’m fascinated by this compilation of every movie that’s won an Oscar for special effects. Ever. I love how the ones that still look great and the ones that look shitty now are surprisingly mixed throughout. (Spider-Man 2… aw geez…)